Doooooom

So really, the reason I hadn’t been blogging in a while was because there’s no way I could explain my feelings. There’s too many of them. But now I have a feeling and it’s completely obvious what it is.

I feel betrayed. Finally there was someone that was going though almost the same things I was. It was actually eerie to how our lives were the same. And the feelings that this person could explain, I realized I felt the same way about everything. Now this person has a life and so now I’m the only one with these feelings. I’m sad. I feel even more alone than I ever had before.  I feel betrayed, really.

And that makes me hate myself. Shouldn’t I be happy that people are moving on? I know I should. But I’m not. I guess “they” were right when “they” said that misery loves company. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want a friend that I can go to the movies with. I want someone to talk to on the phone. I want to have study sessions with a group of people. I want to go to a party. I want to be a /normal/ person and not go a whole day without talking to someone. This can’t be a lot to ask for… people do it /all/ the time.

I hate my life. And I’m starting to hate my ‘other’ life that  I have on the computer. I’m failing my classes because of spending too much time on the computer. But I’m failing on my content writing because I feel to stressed. I’m stuck.

Doooooom

So… there have been a lot of stuff worthy of a blag post, but I just haven’t wrote about them. So instead of going back and catching up with all those things; i’ll just continue on as if I have been blagging the whole today.

So I had to go to work today. (I work at a Blimpe/gas station thing). There was a sign. It said “Today’s special is: (some random sammich). And under it said “We All So Have Soup”. Just think about it for a second… All So? Also? I said WTH out loud. And no, I didn’t say “What the Hell?”. No. I said “WTH?!?”. Yeah. I got some weird looks. Yay for being a freak! ^_^

In other news, I gotted an iPod. So yeah, tell me good music and stuff. And preferably link me to a download.

A much due blag post

So… I’ve been told to write again. But as I said, there is no way I can write about stuffs without sounding sad. So there’s your warning. If you don’t want to read a hardly coherent and depressed wall of text, please deviate from this page.

First off, I’ll start off with what was happening /before/ this bout of sadness. I was seriously on a life high, despite all the things that were happening around me. I had finally figured out what I wanted to do in life (a decision that had been a big part of my stress) and I had every plan running through my mind. I was talking a lot more to people on pwnt and JN, I was actually joining conversations, and I was working hard. Even in RL; I was way more friendly to my family and all the people at my job.

Then, for some reason. (I think it was actually due to my happiness). I decided to quit my job. It was an unnecessary black spot in my day. And afterwards, my summer was great : D. I got to chat with all my great online buddies and even hung out a couple of times with some RL acquaintances.

So back to the real reason of my happiness; I found out what I wanted to go to college for, and I had finally decided that I was not going to stay in my state. I was going to leave this crappy life I had and all the crappy people I had to see every day. So that made me happy knowing that, in less than a year, I would be some place else; starting a new life - so to say. (And Navi, my kitten, helped too. She actually gave me a reason to get up each morning; since I had to take care of her and such)

Then a couple days ago, my mother had the pleasure of taking my hopes and dreams and crushing them. It was quite fun for her, I imagine. She told me that she was not helping pay for my college. She had ‘more important’ things to spend her money on. So I cried. A lot. Like, I still have a headache from it, I think. So now I convinced my friend to get me a job at Blimpies, and I start next week. I need all the money I can get, I think a year at the college I want to go to is ~30K. And now every time I look at something I have bought, especially expensive things like my laptop, I wonder if I would have kept the money saved, would it help me pay for college? And then I randomly cry. And no one in my house seems to care.

And being alone, I’ve been busy filling out scholarship applications and writing essays and looking for student loans and grants. I’m all on my own for this, and there are so many things to do.

Which brings me to the next unfortunate event. About 3 weeks ago (see? I told you this wasn’t coherent writing), my Aunt (who I hadn’t talked to in a couple years) called me at work (actually, the day before my two weeks were up). She told me that my dad had skipped town. And that no one has found him yet. Which, as bad as it seems, this may be the lesser of evils in my life right now. My dad is a fail at being a father, and I’ve always accepted it. So I’m actually glad that I won’t have to waste my weekends going over there anymore.

So. You know how I mentioned that I was hanging out with some people over the summer? Well, against my better judgment, I started to become good friends with one of them again. And Murphy’s law likes to pick on me… so…. Friday was his last day at school. He moved to some fancy school 4 hours away from us. Bleh.

And now to tie this up. For the most part, I feel totally alone and miserable and confused and scared for my future. I can’t even talk to the person I really want to talk to… because I have so many things I want to tell them, but don’t know how.

So, there. If you have been wondering why I’ve been lurky and quiet recently, this is why. I don’t feel like talking; even though I really want to talk to someone… it’s a weird feeling. I don’t really want people to know my feelings, I like to keep them inside. But I know how rude it would be to not explain my recent anti-socialness.

Just bear with me, guys. And give me a lot of hugs. I’ll pretend to be happy, like I have been. Trust me, it’s not hard to put a smilie at the end of a sentence to make you seem okay.

Twinkie Help

Yup. Got a new thing to play around with…

Even though I have yet to help much, I can see the potential in twinskieshelp.net (Not twinkie :P). Item Database for Twin Skies? FTW. BoA type thing? FTW.

And it’s expected to be the best helpsite around… since it’s made by the same people who brought you Jellyneo.

For anyone who is curious, TwinSkiesHelp.net is a help site made for twinskies, a new MMORPG made Adam and Donna.

Adam and Donna, of course, are the creators of neopets.

They have been making the game under Meteor Games. Twinskies is set for beta testing in August, at the PAX.

Yeah.I wonder if jellyneo staffers will get to be staffers on TSH

And no, this is not a shameless plug.

*shifty eyes* But if you want to visit and make a forum account… go to www.twinskieshelp.net

TSH TSH TSH TWINKIE

BUTTON BUTTON BUTTON

Tags: Jellyneo, Neopets, Plug, TwinSkies, TwinSkiesHelp

Fwiendz

So… my best, and possibly only real life friend got back from Australia a couple of days ago… and not talking to her for a month and only talking to my online friends made me realize on crucial fact of my life. I really like my online friends a lot more than my real life friends.

As everyone knows, I’m about the most unfemale female ever :P. I hate shopping, I hate shoes, I hate it when people tell annoying stories. :K. Well she was explaining stuff to me about her trip… and I was like…WTH… what is she talking about… o.O

It was like “ramble ramble ramble”. Then when I talked to her online, she asked me what xD meant.

Also she wanted to leave a comment in this comment box. And I said “Lets spam the comment box!” and she was like… “What’s that mean?”

And there’s no way I would be able to talk to her about drama that happened over the summer. She asked if anything happened. And I said that I played the computer, which is like the only thing I did. Then she called me a nerd. (Geek, kay thanks :P)

So yeah. /rant

Playing Gullible: The Joy of Jumbleberry Potions

So… in an attempt to mess with the admins… we (Tawm and I) successfully messed with the minds of random people on JNF.

*ahem* Tawm and I switched display names in an attempt to make people believe that we changed jobs. CHAOS follows. Dave changed it so that admins were green (like a mod) and that mods were red (like an admin). So yay for that. We played along for about… 2 hours. Saying that Tawm lost his job and was offered Graphics but decided to be an IA.

But we kept our names switched. And really… very few people caught on. I refrained from making this post until we finnaly spilled the beans (which was today)

Here. Enjoy this screenie. Saved in the wonderful file type of JPEG (hadn’t installed PSP on my laptop yet when this happened)

http://i36.tinypic.com/dbseas.jpg

The ironic thing is that Corner Gas was on the t.v. (it was on after Scrubs and I just didn’t want to turn it off) and they were playing a game called ‘Gullible’. The goal of the game is to make someone believe something for a long time. So yay for winning the game.
(Yes. I just lost the game) (Yay for parenthetical interuptions?)

Another funny quotes. (read: Filters are ftw)

In the current event topic on JNF… there is an article about a cheese scultpure of the signing of the declaration of independance.

The funniness happens when the filters are put into place.

“The replica of an iconic painting by John Trumbull shows John Adams, John Hanthree cheese hot pocket, Benjamin Franklin and others standing around a table signing the historic dosugary cornflakesent.”

Hehehe.

And two blag posts today ftw.

Quote of the Day (everyone else was doing it) and funny stuff I wish I could buy

Quote: (12:39:45 PM) Tawm://: -makes his Terry action figure harass his 1337 action figure-
“CONTENT PLOX”

And here is the link to this awesomely cool article in honor of America’s Independance day:

http://gizmodo.com/5021278/10-gadgety-reasons-why-i-love-america
The descriptions are THE BEST. Like :

“Nothing says “America” like making our political leaders hump in action figure form. Start your own freaky Beltway love triangle involving George and Laura Bush, Hillary Clinton, Uncle Sam, John and Jackie Kennedy, Ronald Reagan and Benjamin Franklin (horn-dog that he was) with these Political Posers action figures. They even threw Jesus in for some totally inappropriate fun”

“22 caliber gun hidden in a knife for people who don’t think their enemies can ever be too dead” and

“And, in a truly American move, they have added a pre-recorded breast cancer awareness message on each product to keep the feminists at bay”

Nice, right? Too bad every thing is way too expensive for me. Hehe.

Skype and SAT.

So I downloaded skype yesterday… against my better judgment. I don’t like talking on phones… so I didn’t think I would like it. Surprisingly, I did. It was weird at first… but once more people came online (read: Suzuka) then it was fun.And I learned that the chat/call is dead without Suzuka. For the most part, I get barred from the calls since they are JN staff only. And everyone knows that item adders don’t count as real staff. So I didn’t really feel like I fit in very much… meh. Hopefully that will change some day. Other than that… it was cool hearing the voices of people that I talk to. Even though I think my voice sounds stupid. And I’m not just saying that… Haha.

In other news; I got my SATs back. I did above average on Reading and on Writing. Somehow, even though I like math better and get better grades in math, I always get a lower grade on math than on language things. Oh well. I was still average on Math. I’m not waiting for my essay scores to see what my final score was. As of now it is 1650, I believe.

Newness

It’s amazing how the little things can sometimes change your way of thinking just as much as the big things.

I’m sure all of you realize that I’ve been struggling recently with THINGS. But I’m going to get better, promise. At least, I’m going to try my hardest…

Things are actually okay. I got a laptop, Tawm’s mom is home, b_b is gone, and I have seen what some of the people, people I really care about, will do for me. People have been sticking up for me and giving me comfort. Even if it is just an ehug, it has helped me. I guess I never realized what kind of bonds I am making here. All of us. We are all making bonds; I just never really realized it completely. I just want you all to know that ILU. And now since I love you, you can stop talking about this whole incident, okay? (:

SO YAY FOR BEING BACK ON PWNT. As long as b_b does not resume what he was doing when/if he gets back in a month, I should be there to stay. WOOT.

And… LAPTOP.

Okay, that is all. (:

Oh wait. No it’s not. If any of you awesome computerly people know why my laptop refuses to display photobucket images…. please contact me. KTHX.

Tags: WOOT